The Great Florida Spring Break Sleep IN : My Day as the Last Person in Florida, Not Sleeping In...

I can't believe the first day of spring sprung in the world on March 20th! I woke up, realizing that all the other crazy events I've witnessed, i.e. Groundhogs Day, Daylight Savings Time, and that godawful Florida Hitchhiker, were just preludes to the unhinged that surrounds me. I introduce you to the great Florida Spring Break Sleep in, 2025. This was my day as the last person in Florida, not sleeping in...

Being the first day of spring I wanted to hear what the locals on the news talked about, so I put on our favorite Tampa news channel. The traffic reporter smirked and said, with a very serious tone, that "Everyone's sleeping in because it's spring break." and the weather woman confirmed that, "Yes, everyone's catching up on sleep by sleeping in this morning because of spring break." I decided to go out in the neighborhood and attempt some of my own investigative work.

I walked out to the fence looking up and down the dead end street. I noticed right away that birds, typically awake by four a.m., were silent. I think I've watched too many Twilight Zone episodes and an eerie sensation crept over me as if I was the last man on earth or there was a nuclear bomb about ready to go off and people had bustled to fall out shelters. I stepped out the gate and where there were usually some neighbors scooting to work in their large noisy pick-up's, flags flying high off the back, there was not a sign of life. There wasn't the rumble of an engine, a cough, nothing! I stood with my Darth Vader coffee cup, and blankly wondered, "Was I supposed to be on spring break?" I went back inside the Mothership to report.

Maria said it was just a coincidence. I had to find out for myself. I went through the typical morning routine before heading out on my walk and drove the couple miles to the park, traffic was sparse like a Sunday morning in the bible belt. I parked where I usually parked, and there wasn't a sign of anyone. The typical walkers, like Kyle Calf-Meister, a white dude with calf's the size and shape of something on a Popeye caricature wasn't there. He usually jogged up and down the same hill several hundred times, as if he were dead, wandering around the netherworlds and this was his hell. I didn't see Sally, a regular who walked, "Six miles during the week and ten on the weekend." The dog walkers were gone, no Prince, the Dachshund, no Oreo, a beautiful husky, nada on the canine front.

Finally I saw a man walking.

He was white, as was typical, had dreads down to the middle of his back, bright blue eyes, and he strutted passed me, casually, and whispered, "Spring break. Spring Break. Spring break fo'ever."

I almost laughed out loud, "What do you mean?" I asked, but the man disappeared into a copse of palm trees near the woods. I remembered then that he was quoting James Franco's character in that A24 movie.

Everyone was on spring break!

As I walked my four miles, cruising around the personal daily hamster wheel and listening to Metallica to clear my head, I finally spotted life. The white man had two large pit bulls who were high strung and yanking at the end of their leashes. Naturally, I reached down to pet one, and immediately pulled back as the dog snapped at my fingers. I felt the dribble of drool hit the back of my hand. The man looked like he wanted to say something, and then hesitated.

"Good morning," I initiated.

"Just like normal this time of year?" He said. The pits were yanking his arm and distanced from me, so I decided to follow him.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Spring break. Everyone's on spring break!" He shook his head in disbelief.

He looked like he had crawled out of an empty trailer, wearing an old Ronnie Milsap concert tee with holes in it, and his teeth were half missing. By the smears of oil and dirt on his face, it looked like basic hygiene had passed him up for months on end. I didn't know if I could trust the source, but there was no one else around, and I was done looking for reasoning in a world of zero rationale. I still had hope that civilization would just stay in bed. Instead they'd all amble out of their warm blankets in unison, stare directly in the sun, and realize that their life in the sunshine is just one big spring break...until the next one comes along. Down here in the swampy moist heat, people live casually with sun crisp brains until next winter's cold snap when they'll all ask, "When is Groundhogs Day?" and scurry to Lowes for their ice scrapers.

I finished my stroll, and left the park.

Finally there were signs of life at gas stations and corner markets. I was going to stop in and ask someone, but opted not to. This was another day in the books in Florida and tomorrow I leave on another adventure. I hope wherever you are that things are well, that you're spring break isn't when "Everyone is on spring break," and that you can enjoy the sunshine through the melting snow, ice, and big pile o' mud surrounding your abode. I'll see everyone on the road, and if you're heading to Scares that Care, Authorcon in Williamsburg, look out for me. I'll be there, ambling along and looking for the connection, celebrating horror with all my peeps. I promise the sun hasn't baked all my critical thinking skills and I will give you all I can in conversation that I don't get down here in rural Florida...

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Tim Eagle

Tim Eagle is an author of the novellas Stolen Seed, Life Ship, and the Vasectomus Collection. He lives full time, on the road, with his wife, Maria and their dog, Cocoa. He grew up in Michigan and is inspired by the dysfunction of America. His books are available on Amazon, godless and this site timeaglefiction.com

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